Sunday night I promised my kids that after they came home from school on Monday I would take them to the park with a large field so we could fly kites, if it was windy. Sunday, I was flying high and felt like I could conquer the world. The weather has been beautiful the past couple of days and that, in addition to just feeling happy and peaceful, was wonderful. Monday I was feeling much less so, for some reason. Life would be way too easy if we felt so happy and energetic all the time, right? Although I was able to hang out with one of my best friends and it was a great day, I felt lacking in my energy and attitude as a mom.
The kids came home from school and I wasn’t feeling up to taking them. But take them I did because I told them I would, and windy it was.
As we walked down the street, I thought how it wasn’t hard to take them even though 5 minutes before I thought it was. I knew we’d have a good time and it’d be a memory made. I knew my kids would smile and laugh, probably even fight a little, but we’d work it out and I’d be happy I took them. It’s funny how we sometimes fight against the things that are easy, but it’s the thought of work involved that can hold us back. Once you’re doing it, you’re fine.
I thought about parenthood as we flew those kites. I thought about how much I want these little kids to stay little forever because they are so fun and full of love for Dillon and I. I thought about our struggles and our successes together as a family. The kites would fly high, then dive down and crash. Being a mom feels like that. Sometimes I’m flying high and feeling great, and other days I crash and I crash hard. I can be too emotional, too easily upset, too quick to be angry with my children. Too much of everything I try to teach them not to be.
But there are other moments where things just work. The kids still fight, but they also have beautiful moments together. Happy memories that are almost always simple. Those days I can help them work out their problems without any bad emotion on my part. They help each other out. They are learning. I am learning.
I’m trying hard to focus on my goals as a parent, and how my every day thoughts and actions either help reach that goal or not. Parenting is hard. It’s emotional. It takes a lot of effort and energy and patience. I can only imagine how much those aspects will be emphasized the older my children get.
But these kids know they are loved. These kids know I’m not perfect and forgive me so quickly, because kids are amazing like that. As my sister says, to everything there is a season, and this is my season to be a mom! I have big plans to fly high longer, and not crash so hard when I fall.